S3: Episode 8: ‘Interesting’ Moments From My Coffee Life
It may appear to be a glamorous job but in reality the life of a professional coffee roaster is very routine and repetitive. That is not to say that it doesn’t have its moments. In this special episode for Christmas Day I’m sharing some stories from my coffee life where things didn’t exactly go the way I’d like. And this week I am answering a question that no-one has ever actually asked me!
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Hello and welcome to The Coffee Drinker’s Guide, a podcast for the coffee curious where I explore and explain the world of specialty coffee to make your daily coffee better and more satisfying.
I’m Angela Holder a coffee roaster and writer on a mission to fight back against bad coffee by giving you the knowledge you need to help you get good coffee and a happier (coffee) life in coffee-break sized episodes. So grab your coffee, pull up a chair and take a break…
Happy Christmas and a warm welcome to this special festive episode. In today’s slightly extended episode I am sharing a random selection of ‘interesting’ moments from my coffee career … and later will be answering the question that actually no-one has ever asked me so definitely stay tuned for that…
If the reaction to my answer of the standard ‘what do you do for a living?’ question is anything to go by, coffee roasting is seen as something of a glamorous job. Of course, when you are in the middle of a shift lugging hundreds of kilos of coffee around or up to your eyebrows in coffee creosote as you clean the machine after your roasting shift, it seems anything but! Life as a professional coffee roaster is actually very routine and repetitive. It has to be to ensure that the coffee is consistent and consistently good for the customer. But that is not to say that it doesn’t have its moments. Today I thought I’d share some examples of how things can go askew in the life of even the most seasoned coffee professional…
So firstly an ‘interesting' experience and the brew
I have to admit to being very particular about where I will drink coffee when not at home. But sometimes a girl just needs a brew. One such time was after a long flight. In my defence, I was very tired, my partner was driving so I had completely zoned out. Having not managed to find a coffee after the plane landed, I was so desperate for one that I actually decided to risk buying it from a petrol station on the way out of the airport. I know. My go-to coffee when I don’t know the quality of the cafe or barista is a macchiato as in my view it minimises the impact of both a bad shot and poor milk technique. If both are bad - well, it’s only a short drink. I’m not crazy. The petrol station had installed a beans to cup machine, to avoid the pesky problem of training their assistants in barista skills. And yes, this should have been a red flag. The machine lacked a macchiato button. The assistant pressed the ‘espresso’ and ‘milk’ buttons. The espresso shot ran well for about two seconds then turned blond while the milk seemed to run for ages. This did not bode well. I pointed out that I'd ordered a macchiato not a latte. In reply, the operator said that’s what he’s doing. I can’t help myself and say “clearly you don’t know what a macchiato is!”. His pride clearly stung, he patronisingly says yes he does: “it’s a shot of espresso and a shot of milk, no hot water” and adds, in the most superior tone he could muster, “Don’t you know anything about coffee?”. Sheesh. And yes, it was truly dreadful.
Next an 'interesting' experience and the taste
I have recounted this story before, but in case you missed it, here it is again. One day I was asked to quality check a bag of coffee that had been returned with a complaint by a customer. It was a solidly good Colombian coffee so I thought that perhaps something had gone wrong with the roast. At that time the only place I could brew a coffee was in the cafe at the roastery. It was busy but I found a space to brew a cup and unsuspectingly took a slurp. What followed must have looked like something from legendary horror film ‘The Exorcist’, as in full view of everyone my head seemed to spin around faster than the rest of my body and I projectile-spat the coffee into the sink. I stood back horrified. What would the customers think? But this was London and no-one batted an eyelid! The coffee was phenolic which means that it tasted medicinal, like TCP - an antiseptic liquid sold here in the UK to sterilise small cuts and grazes. If you are ever unlucky enough to taste phenolic coffee you will learn that the body’s reaction to it bypasses rational thought. You instantly, instinctively, spit it out regardless of where you are. It’s that bad. One defective phenolic bean can infect a whole bag when the roasted coffee is ground and there’s nothing you can do about it except throw the coffee away. I hope you never taste it but if you ever do, that it is in the privacy of your own home and not in a room full of people!
Finally an 'interesting' experience and the bean
Despite the Specialty Coffee Association’s mandate that specialty coffee should contain no foreign objects, they are in fact, quite common in specialty green coffee. Corn, stones, marbles, chicken bones, and bullet casings - yes you heard right bullet casings - are all things that I have found in some of the best coffees I have roasted. These things are so common that they barely merit a comment during a roasting shift. Every roastery has a small collection of them somewhere due to roasters picking them out of the green coffee during preparation of the coffee for roasting. However, sometimes the beans can throw up a surprise, so to speak. Such as the owl pellet complete with the tiny bones of the owl’s last meal. Yuk. Or the massive beetle that actually made it through the roasting process and stayed intact. I only spotted it as it revolved around the cooling tray with the roasted beans, legs (mostly) still attached. That’s a big bean, I thought. I was roasting organic beans at the time, which gave the term a whole new meaning... but I am very thankful that I wasn’t the roaster on duty when a semi-cooked mouse tumbled out of the roasting machine along with the beans. As it revolved gently round in the cooling tray he literally ran screaming from the building. Not cool, man, not cool.
And now its time for a question that no-one has actually ever asked but I am going to answer today…
And that question is…
What was the worst moment in my roasting career?
It was a baptism of fire. Literally. It was my first roasting machine fire as a newbie roaster. Although technically speaking the fire was in the chimney or flue, as it is called. It was an adrenaline fuelled, hair raising experience immediately preceded by the words “Can you smell smoke?”. Seconds later the fire which had been smouldering unheeded in the flue burst into life with a sound like the space shuttle taking off. At one point in the ensuing ten minutes of terror, a yellow tongue of flame spurted out of the flue in my direction which was my cue to use the powder extinguisher placed nearby. It smothered the flame, but meant I had to beat a hasty retreat from the roasting room as I could no longer breathe in there! We managed to put the fire out before the fire brigade arrived but it took all of our fire extinguishers and some of our neighbours’ to do it. I was lucky that day as this type of fire can, and has, destroyed roasting businesses. Thankfully no-one was hurt and neither the machinery nor the flues were damaged. It was just a matter of cleaning up a rather large mess. There was powder everywhere! Needless to say, I made sure to sweep the flues regularly after that!
Thank you for listening to this episode of The Coffee Drinker’s Guide and that was just a few ‘interesting’ moments from my coffee career. As a little Christmas gift to you I am releasing a bonus episode in the next couple of days which is all about coffee-related things to do this Twixtmastime, to tackle the inevitable post Christmas blues. Be sure to hit follow so that you don’t miss it, if you haven’t already. If you have a friend who you think would find this interesting please tell them about the show and rate and review this podcast wherever you listen to your podcasts to help other coffee curious people find the show too. And if you have burning question about coffee you can get in touch on Instagram @thecoffeedrinkersguide, email me at thecoffeedrinkersguide@gmail.com or leave me a text message using the link in the show notes. Thanks to my executive producer Viel Richardson at Lusona Publishing and Media Limited. You can find him at lusonapub.co.uk. Until next time I’m Angela Holder thanks for sharing your Christmas coffee break with me - the best way to tackle life is one coffee at a time and here’s to better coffee!
The Coffee Drinker’s Guide is a Blue Sky Coffee Project